Is having body hair bothering your child?
Recently I met a cheery young girl, about 14–15 years old. She had twinkle in her eyes and good articulation. She was excited to be growing up; maybe having an older sibling makes it an aspiration :-). While talking about all other aspects, the topic of puberty related changes also came up.
I asked: Is there something about growing up that you find strange or are not very comfortable with?
She looked at her hands, pointed at the hair sprouting out and said: Yeah, this. How I wish I could just remove them. Maybe wax them out.
I said: Ok. How does having the body hair affect your day to day life?
She rued: I am not able to wear frocks or dresses with short sleeves.
This triggered old memories in me. A few years back I had an outbreak of (skin) lichen planus. Now this is an interesting skin problem where the immune system mistakes the skin cells as foreign and attacks. After a scratchy experience for some time, it left dark brown spots on my arms, legs and torso. In a span of few years, the spots kept lightened up a bit. After my experience with this, I met few other people with similar condition. I was surprised to know that it is said to be a common disease, more of an annoying one rather than anything serious. However it has the potential to massively affect the self confidence of a person especially a female. One about-to-be-married lady shared with me how she had not informed her would-be-in-laws for the fear of their apprehensions and was worried to find a quick fix.
Now imagine what happens if I look in the mirror each day and feel sorry for myself- Oh, these brown spots are so ugly and horrible. Each day I am castigating myself for something that I cannot help. I look longingly at dresses that I assume I am not fit to wear anymore. I am conscious each time I am out. I end up limiting my social outings altogether. Imagine the self created limitations and the ensuing emotional load. I may end up going into a spiral of self isolation and loathing.
And all this because “I assumed I don’t fit into the societal definition of beauty…a definition that I adopted as my own while growing up…through media, through others around“.
Instead, what helped me overcome the self consciousness was following thoughts:
Lichen planus is part of my body now, or a past to accept so to speak. Now if I wear short sleeves or blouses, someone may ask about the brown spots. The person may show well meaning concerns and advises as well. I would go at length sharing what it is. And that’s about it. The next time the same person has choice to be more acceptable about me or probably look away. Either ways I get a company of a more evolved person who is truly interested to look beyond the brown spots and connect with me. Being accepted by others starts with me; accepting the body right from my hair endings to the toe nail. In fact when I start accepting myself, I become more accepting of physical and otherwise differences in others.
I could imagine the pressure on this child with such a strong “socially driven idea of feminity” in place. Further these days the concept of hairless beauty is getting extended to men as well, what with more and more men reporting feeling the pressure to remove the body hair! The TV reality shows normalize the smooth torsos after all.
Parents, it is important what posturing and idols you place for your child right from when your child is young. We talk about uniqueness of a child. We talk about a fish being tested on how nicely it can climb up. We talk about being driven by the speed and individuality of the child…Well, why we are not talking about resisting from passing on a standard definition of beauty to the generation next?
Is it that a fur on an animal looks cute and fluffy, and revolting in a human being? Imagine a polar bear being “Uncomfortable with body hair”. We are homo sapiens with body hair, isn’t that enough for us to feel as comfortable with our body as a crow, a squirrel or a monkey is!
Would the age ever come for us when we start saying: “I am comfortable with my body…I am comfortable with my body hair!”
Is that the price that we pay for being the most powerful species that can “think and reason”!
Feel free to reach out to me for your child’s behavior related questions or concerns. With children, the earlier the intervention….the better it is.
By the way, a crow has neither fur nor body hair. The photographs here however hit the point across, don’t they!
For video of the article- Click here. https://youtu.be/0iwFOt3-dmw